Day 18: Second Thoughts

I hate how this day started and I hate how it ended. The funny thing is, no matter how hard I convince myself to try and hate the rest of it, I can't. I've made a major decision eighteen days ago and I've made up my mind that I will be sticking with it regardless of the numerous possible outcomes, all of which are not pretty. But I've been having second thoughts for the past few days. For the past few days, I was happy; everything was fine and life was just a breeze. Today was different, though. I wanted to tell the world that my mind is made up, that nothing-- no one, can change my mind. But for some unfathomed reason I couldn't.

I'm a wuss.

Day 17: QNST

This is precisely what I fear most about staying in one place for too long. I'm scared that I won't be able to leave. Not just because I'm a coward, but also because I might actually want to stay, for reasons that even I can't comprehend admit to myself. Quit now save time, is what we used to say. It may sound like something that would come out of a quitter, but I don't care. I just don't see the point in investing time and effort and emotions (what?) over something that would turn out to be pointless in the end. I don't want to get attached, but I'm guessing it's too late for that now. Darn it.

Seize the Day.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Tomorrow I will take control. I will no longer be a slave of my fears, no longer a slave of my habits. Things will start to be different. *wink*

Kung Fu Panda

Make a decision and stick with it. That's precisely what I should do. There are times when you have to weigh the pros and cons of a decision before making it. But there also are times when you should just follow your instinct. You know, take risks and just run with it. Face whatever the consequences are without any regrets. After all, we never really know what the future brings, but it doesn't mean we should be helpless about it.

See, I have been fussing over something for quite a while now. It takes one single decision and it will all be over but I'm too much of a coward for that. I kept stalling and over-analyzing which only delayed my agony. I kept worrying about the future. So much so that I came up with a dozen what-if scenarios, one more screwed up than the other. And then came words of wisdom from a talking turtle. Why worry so much about the past and the future? There's nothing I can do about them, but I have the present to act on. If I'm not happy, then I should do something about it. Now.

To be or not to be.

For the first time in my life, I am surprised to find myself considering the thought of going away. And for some reason I feel guilty just by thinking about it. No, my hope is not yet lost. But there are a lot of things to figure out. The amount of thinking I've been doing for the past couple of days is giving me a headache. Life, as it turned out, is not how I imagined it to be when I was younger. It's harder and more complicated than I thought it would be. It's decision time.